Prayer Closet Requests

So here's the news...God has been so faithful :) I have been praying to make some major changes in my life & we are actually making some progress on me!! I have such a heart's desire to be a good wife, mom, & housewife but the follow-through to actions is not always even close to being on the charts of where I want it to be. I realize that in spite of the way I portray myself (or that I feel that I behave with others) is generally positive--and I feel positive--but at home I just don't smile much or enjoy life. The best way I can describe it is that I don't feel like my time at home "counts." Like, it's just the in-between of the actions that matter. So I don't "feel" at all unless things don't go the way I want them to...which is about 97% of the time...and then I get grumpy. I am very quiet & introverted & focused (in my ADD way, which means I focus on one thing for about 8.7 seconds & then move on to something else) & I literally have to remind myself or be reminded that I can be happy. I can enjoy life at home & my family. I can get things done without being so focused with how they're done to the point of not getting them done. And THEN...I can have JOY & feel like I am living life--not just doing the in-between.

I had the biggest encouragement the other day: Mom told me I just seem happier these days :) I am focusing on loving on Neena. I have worked to the bone to change my "life at home is just the in-between" attitude about my house; I am constantly cleaning & actually keeping the house in presentable condition for the most part. I am trying soo hard to lighten up & just have fun instead of just feeling like things aren't going the way I think they should. Example: Neena & I are just polar opposites. I will not ever completely understand her confidence, boldness, & strong will. For the longest time (& sometimes still) I got so frustrated because I feel like I'm failing when she tests her boundaries over & over & over displaying her will...I felt so at a loss because I couldn't understand or feel like I could conquer this constant battle of the will. But after time & consideration & counseling from lots of people...I am learning to let her be a kid & just continue to use good methods to deal with each willful act but to show her unconditional love. You people with infants/young toddlers think you have it tough with sleepless nights & dirty diapers.......you just wait!!!!!

Ok, I kind of went on & on with that but, hey, there's a lot to talk about on that subject. The point of this blog is that change is possible. It has to be extremely focused upon & severly fought for. And it's not fun. But it's possible. Without the Lord...I'm not sure. I think I mentioned a few blogs back how Chad was telling me that my attitude wasn't changing even though my actions were. (Maybe not???) But either way, I have totally been trusting that God will change my heart; I have to work on my actions & give Him room in my heart to do some cleaning & re-decorating :) I'm not sure if I can change my heart. I can change my thoughts. My actions. My goals. And I'm sure that helps change my heart. But maybe the heart part was already there & I just had to tap into the resources God puts available there?? I'd love some feedback from anyone who takes the time to listen to all this rambling on that one...

Enough of that...

The other point of this blog is that I am about to work on a prayer request list (a document I can update, change, & enjoy creating) & I am going to fight for some time--maybe just one time--for some serious prayer during my week. My newest item to want to change in my life--making prayer a real priority instead of a routine or a "just enough to make it by" :) Hehehe...I already said I'm ADD; I can't focus on just one thing & these things still all relate either way. Soo, if you have a prayer request for me to add, please let me know. And I'll be accountable to you all now to make sure I'm following through with this change. Thanks in advance for sharing; I love you all.