Mommy Tears

After the high we've been on from the fabulous ultrasound & birthday party we had yesterday, I have been a ball of emotions & tears today. It all started with one of those horrible dreams where something horrible happens to your baby. (to Neena this time) I was awake for a good 2 hrs in the middle of the night after that. It was the kind that brings hidden thoughts to life & gives you a strong urge to hold & protect your child for all your worth & never let them out of sight.

Then I had to kiss her goodbye as she left for a trip to AL with MiMi & Papa. And I just lost it! Always the struggle for parents: wanting time alone to focus on your spouse....not wanting to leave your child to do it!

On Sunday, Chad & I are leaving for Guntersville Lake. We are going to stay at the Lodge there & a couple friends of ours (friends that are a couple--how do you say that without spelling it out that specifically???) are coming for one night/day & we're staying a total of 3 nights. WooHoo! Good timing with an (almost) 4 yr old & a baby on the way. We are so excited. But we've both already cried today about leaving her :(

And she is such a sweetie about these things. She just loves all over everyone, her signature 3 kisses: one cheek, lips, other cheek, followed up with a big "MMM-AHH" hug...And she is so understanding of loving on Chad & I. (Even if she DOES focus on Daddy when he's around.) Having another babe on the way makes me want to relish every moment alone with her right now. And most moments right now are great.

The past 2 yrs of Neena being in preschool, I have been working the whole time she has been there...and with the ability to stay home & get stuff done while she's there, I feel like a whole new person. I am so much more productive. I feel like I get to focus on what I'm doing and even prepare things ahead for her & for Chad. :) What a joy! I am really hoping to make some serious progress & mindset changes preparing for a 4-people family. Just 3 makes things pretty simple & I need to step-it-up a bit. Chad & I were talking the other night about how my actions have changed more quickly than my heart in the matter, though, as I was frustrated as I could be cleaning the house the other night. He said, "if it makes you so frustrated why don't you just stop?" And I'm like (Moms, please give me an amen on this one...) "But if I don't keep up EVERY DAY, I'll get behind & NEVER catch up!" So the mix between accomplishing my goals without becoming totally anal & ornary about it is not quite figured out yet. But I am focusing on putting my actions in place, hoping my heart will learn to follow.

And on that note....I've got some work to do before Chadly comes home!!!