She was so proud of herself. Check out the "proud-of-myself-smile" in this one. She cracks me up.
Good news: my nausea seems knock on wood to be gone & the rash is clearing up--kind of. Neena has been quite a trooper for it all. She has helped dry & put away dishes, empty the dryer & put away clean clothes, & play by herself. I don't know how you people manage with babies back-to-back; you have my utmost admiration.
In fact, while I'm on the subject, I have to admit that I am a lot more nervous about this baby than I was about my first. Mostly because of the dynamic of the family. Right now, the only fighting possible is over which parent Neena wants to sit with. And really, that's Chad & I teasingly fighting over Neena. Now...or, soon...we will be having to break up fights between the kids. What has been a solid unit will be parents vs. children. And looking at some families & the chaos & fights that can come up is just scary. Like, I don't think I have the wisdom to sort through all that all the time & keep my head about me. But I am sure that God will give me the wisdom & grace in the moment; I don't doubt what He will provide thank you Jesus.
Another thing I'm thankful for...not being fearful. I just admitted my big fear about this whole pregnancy. The fear I'm NOT announcing or repressing or hiding is the health of our child. Now, I admit that it does make me a little emotional from time to time just thinking about it. But fear? Nope. See, Chad & I found out when we were pregnant with Neena that we are both carriers of Cystic Fibrosis. Which means 1/4 chance with our children. I struggled for 3 years with the fear of having more children & being responsible for their health because of our genetics. But somewhere, maybe even before Neena was born, I just knew that if God would give me a peace about getting pregnant--a peace beyond the fear of what CF would mean in the life of our child--that it was God giving me that desire, not just MY selfish desire to have another baby. There is not a day that goes by that I am not aware of our genes. My reality is forever changed. But I cannot begin to describe to you the peace that the Lord has given my heart concerning this issue. I think the fact is, maybe I finally faced that reality & have accepted it as part of life--the norm for us--and I can only trust that if we have a child with health problems that even threaten his/her life that God will continue to sustain us with the peace that only He can offer.
When Neena was first born, she had a lot of congestion in her chest, & I was almost paralyzed with fear. There were moments when I only existed. And I could only be honest with God & tell Him I didn't feel peace. Didn't know how I could ever feel it. But...I think now that most of that had to do with the fact that it was our first baby & everything was scary b/c we just didn't know what to expect. I believe that with a second baby, we won't take every wheeze or lack of bowel movement or long stead of sleep with no feeding or spitting up as a "symptom." We'll just take it as a "baby."
The cool part is, we are reminded of the goodness of our Lord, with hope that our home is in Heaven & all that is here is for a short time. Blessed are those who find strength in you. Their hearts are on the road that leads to you. Psalm 84:5
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*hugs*
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